The response for this journal is centered around this chart on the different stages of adolescence. Adolescence is divided into three stages: early (12-14 years old), middle (15-17 years old), and late (18-21 years old) adolescents.
In early adolescence, the teen will become more rebellious and out spoken as a way to subconsciously express that they are unsure of their bodies and ideas. Puberty is in full swing, and teens are uncomfortable with these new bodily changes. Fitting in with their peers is top priority. Many same-sex relationships are formed, and any feeling of attraction are expressed through teen idols. Teens at this age tend to spend as little time as possible with their family, and place their friends as a focus. During my freshman year of high school, I used to sit in the band hallway for hours after school and talk to my friends. It wasn't that I didn't want to spend time with my family, simply that I found the conversations with my friends to be more interesting. I was quickly flustered by any thing my parents questioned me on, because I was so unsure myself. I felt like the most uncomfortable, awkward kid during those years. It seems like every flaw is magnified by the world, and you are never good enough for anyone. Fortunately, that begins to go away as we enter middle adolescence.
By middle adolescence, teens have experienced most of the bodily changes that will occur, and are more comfortable with themselves. Teens are still highly concerned with their physical appearance, and spend more time getting ready and looking presentable. This is also due to the fact that teens begin to develop a deeper sexual attraction to the opposite sex. They now feel ready for relationships, and want to express their affection. Teens also tend to have the most conflicts with their pare
nts during this stage. They feel as though their parents are constantly intruding on their lives, and are bothered by any interest their parents take in their lives. This is a huge factor why friends are so important to the teen. Teens feel at though their friends are the only ones who understand them. Choosing the right friends is important, because teens are very susceptible to peer pressure at this age. Personally, I place a high value on my friendships. I have a group of friends coined "The Squad"--four boys and three girls-- that I hang out with on the weekends. I am lucky to have found people who have a similar moral code to myself. I am hardly home during the weekends, because I am constantly making plans with The Squad.
In late adolescence, teens are comfortable with their bodies and accept who they are. Because of this increased comfortability, the teen will start to return to the their family, and may even seek out advice from their parents. They no longer feel threatened by their parents involvement, because they are at ease with themselves. Teens will also begin to look for a long term relationship. They want stability and affection from another. This comes slightly ill timed though, because many teens are preparing for college at this age. It is common for teens to tailor their future plan to their significant other, because they want to stay close to them. I see this happen among my acquaintances all the time. They become convinced that they have found "the one", and they move to different states to be with them. However, when they break up they return home, tail between their legs in embarrassment.
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Taming the Teenage Eye Roll. (n.d.). Retrieved March 4, 2015, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/thinking-about-kids/201309/taming-the-teenage-eye-roll
Nancy Darling begins by recounting a friend and her daughter having a conversation. The daughter responded with constant eye rolls and a sassy attitude. Darling mentions to her son later that she appreciates that he never rolls his eyes at her. She speculates that this is due to the way she raised him. Darling explains that she let her kids argue with her, but as soon as they got spiteful and nasty, she stopped them immediately and made them return to the core of the disagreement. She would tell them that they simply are not allowed to treat people like that. Period. Darling did her best to model this principle for her children. She mentions that anyone who is "really engaged with each other is going to disagree. But how we disagree matters."
Teens are looking for communication and respect. In an environment where they are allowed to express their true feeling constructively, they will grow. Teens already have a hard time explaining their muddled thoughts. The last thing they need is to be told that they are not allowed to express their opinion. An adult who exerts tyranny will not gain their respect. Instead, they child will be filled with contempt towards them. Instead, parents should exhibit respect for their teens, and that respect will be reciprocated.
Procrastination: How Adolescents Encourage Stress. (n.d.). Retrieved March 4, 2015, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/surviving-your-childs-adolescence/200906/procrastination-how-adolescents-encourage-stress
Carl Pickhardt says that "the goal of procrastination is escape the immediate necessity of demand, obligation, or work." No one likes to do school work, so the easiest solution is to put it off until the last possible second. Procrastination is supposed to create this pressure to get work done, ultimately speeding up the time it takes to get the work done. One teen says: "The problem with doing work early is that it takes longer because there's no pressure to get it done. But wait until the last minute and I rush right through it because I have to." The same teen also reports feeling "blown out" after this homework frenzy. However, that is the price your must pay to put off your work.
Procrastination is a terrible habit to form in your adolescence. No one wants to blow off their friends to do homework, but it's necessary sometimes. While procrastination may work well enough in high school and college, it certainly won't in the real world. No employer is looking for "great procrastinator" on a job application. It's important for teens to learn early on when it's okay to have fun, and when it's time to put on their big kid pants and get some work done. They will be much better off in the long run.
Latest News about Teen Marijuana Use. (n.d.). Retrieved March 4, 2015, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/face-it/201302/latest-news-about-teen-marijuana-use
Vivian Diller is concerned about the increase in pot smoking among teens. Alot of parents feel hypocritical lecturing their children about smoking weed, especially if they experimented back in the day. However, Diller says that the concentra
tion of THC in the weed has almost doubled since the 1960's. Aslo, teens are experimenting at a younger age and smoking more frequently with a much higher dosage. This newly potent weed has a higher potential for addiction, and has many negative impacts on the the lungs and heart. Diller says that teens are relying on weed to help treat depression and sleep disorders, which is dangerous. Teens need to learn to treat these problems on their own, because the reliance on weed can lead to much larger problems. "This is not the pot—nor the counterculture—that existed in the '60s, and lenient attitudes can possibly increase the prevalence of abuse today."
The opinion of their peer group is very important to teenagers. Teens want to be well liked, and will do whatever it takes to fit in. This sometimes means experimenting with drugs and alcohol. It is a common misconception that weed has no negative health impacts, which is why many teens feel that it is okay to try. In reality, marijuana can be detrimental to the cognitive development of a teen. Their minds are still developing, and drugs can stunt that growth. It is important for teens to find the right friends, because it's hard to say no on your own. If the teen has a few friends to back them up, it will be much easier for the teen to hold his drug free stance.
4 Secrets to Negotiate with Difficult People. (n.d.). Retrieved March 4, 2015, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/turning-point/201503/4-secrets-negotiate-difficult-people
Aldo Civico outlines four simple point to keep in mind when negotiating with a difficult person. First: know what you want. It's hard to argue clearly if you're unsure of what you want to achieve. You'll talk your self in circles and frustrate the other party; make sure you enter the conversation with a clear end goal. Next, know the other side. That isn't referring to knowing their argument points, but rather what they want from the argument. is their anger coming from a place of fear? Acceptance? Loneliness? If you can identify that, it will be much easier to reach a solution they like. Third: prepare options for mutual gain. You're not here to beat them, but rather to reach a solution that will make you both happy. And finally, listen. The other party will be much more open to your suggestions if you actually listen to their thoughts and feelings.
This is an article every teen's parents should read. It is important for teens to feel like their opinion matters. The best way to negotiate with a teen is to validate their feelings by actually listening to them. Once you gain the respect of a teen, it will be much easier to reason with them. It seems as though many parents enter into a discussion pointing their finger. Instead, they should approach the situation as "what can we both change to make this situation better?" This is much more likely to result in a real, productive solution.
When Boys Feel Like Girls and Girls Feel Like Boys. (n.d.). Retrieved March 4, 2015, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-career-within-you/201503/when-boys-feel-girls-and-girls-feel-boys
Elizabeth Wagele explains the reality that many transgender people are the victims of hate crimes, and that society is only just starting to accept them. Transgender refers to a person who doesn't identify with their born gender, and sometimes undergoes surgery to switch. Some people simply dress as the desired gender, and keep the organs and body parts they were born with. Before the 1950's, trans people were unheard of. Any children that were born with both sets of anatomy, were kept under wraps, and their parents simply chose their gender for them. In 1952, Christine Jorgensen underwent the first gender switching surgery. Society thought this was taboo, and disgusting. Americans are slowly becoming more used to the idea of transgender people. However, 40% of transgender people contemplate suicide, due to the rejection and hate they still receive. A teen recently reported her mother telling her "that it was a phase, that I would never truly be a girl, that God doesn’t make mistakes, that I am wrong." As you can see, the full acceptance of transgender people is still a long way off.
As a teen coming out as a transgender person, there is bound to be a lot of emotional conflicts. For starters, they are already unsure of their body and their sexuality. If they are to tell their parents that they have doubts about their gender, they won't want to hear any of the questions their parents have. They will receive these as attacks on their sexuality, and may become depressed; they may feel as though no one understands them. It is very important for parents to express their love and acceptance of the teen, even if that may not fully be the case. The slightest bit of negativity will drive the teen away, and alienate them from the parent. Discovering your sexuality is a normal part of adolescence. It may be a phase, and it may not be. The best thing a parent can do is to be fully supportive regardless.
Images Used (Top to Bottom):
http://www.livestrong.com/article/520962-parents-fighting-teenage-depression/
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/face-it/201302/latest-news-about-teen-marijuana-use